Until There Was You
by McRaider
Summary: The white light slowly began to penetrate his black surroundings. He opened his eyes slowly for the first time, instantly squeezing them again as the bright light hurt his eyes. Final Chapter for this story is up
1. The Fall

Until There Was You  
By McRaider  
Summary: Rodney is shot down in front of Teyla, Ford and Sheppard. They are sent home mourning the loss of a very good friend. Meanwhile Rodney is working desperately to get home before he dies.  
Author's Note: This idea sort of stems from SG:1 season one episode Fire and Water, as well as the desperate desire for a little McWeir goodness. This could essentially be considered a sequel to Second Chance if you so desire…btw I really like balcony scenes, so get used to them lol. Please excuse my grammatical issues :). BTW if anyone has an idea as to what to call this series I would love some suggestions, because I'm seriously at a loss.

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Elizabeth sighed as she stood looking down near the wormhole, which her friends would be walking through in an hour. She felt his presence behind her before he saw the hand offering her a mug of hot coffee. She grinned and accepted it graciously. He stood beside her, dressed in his uniform, also holding a cup of coffee. 

"Thank you," she said softly.

"Any time, so how are we doing?" he asked in general.

"Amazingly well; hopefully this mission will help us with our food supply."

"Do you ever think about going home?" He asked gently.

She looked at him for a moment before shrugging, "sometimes, I don't mind being here much anymore. There are always new adventures to consider."

"I'll take Atlantis over Earth most days," he said smiling.

"Some day you're going to tell me about your past," she said looking at him.

He grinned slyly and took a sip of his coffee, "someday."

"So where's the rest of the crew?" She inquired.

"Well Teyla and John are eating…and I have no idea where Ford is," he replied.

"You guys have everything you need for this trip?"

"God knows we should, John did the packing," joked Rodney.

"I don't doubt it, he's very thorough," Elizabeth replied.

"Well, I should get ready…thank you for a wonderful morning," he said smiling.

"Thank you," she grinned watching him head down the stairs. He was her best friend, but he was slowly becoming more than that. They had started spending a lot more time together since he had returned to his adult state several weeks ago.

They stood in the embarkation room, the gate behind them just waiting for them to step through. "Good luck team, and remember if you succeed, you may save Atlantis for the next hundred years."

"Don't worry Doctor, we will succeed," called John.

She smiled as the four friends took their steps towards the gate. Rodney looked over his shoulder; shot her a quick smile taking a step through the gate right behind John.

The planet itself was very similar to earth; it was so easy to be caught up in the beauty. McKay easily guessed that this was how green and beautiful earth had been before people really came along. The aliens on the planet, looking similar to those on earth, the only large difference was the way they dressed, which was closer to the renaissance stage.

"The people…they're friendly right?" He asked. Teyla smiled as she looked at him and nodded.

"It is a planet of many nice people." replied Teyla

"Many...?"

"Come on McKay, no planet has all good people. Just stay away from the people…that seem, odd." Sheppard stated.

He was aware of McKay's grumbled reply but chose to ignore it. It was a good twenty minute walk from the gate to the nearest colony. The people of Caledonia were incredibly advanced for people of another world. McKay guessed they were only a hundred years or so behind humans on earth. However their architecture was far beyond any thing he had seen on earth. He looked up at the largest building; this was where they would be doing their trading.

There was a tall man standing there waiting for them at the building, he had dark gray hair, and yellow eyes, like most of the people on this planet had. It had bothered Rodney…actually it still did, but he tried to move past their looks. John Sheppard smiled and shook the man's hand.

"Welcome Major Sheppard, it will be a pleasure to meet with you, I am Linor, King of Caledonia."

"Thank you, this is Doctor McKay, one of our scientists, Lieutenant Aiden Ford one of our finest pilots and you already know Teyla." The man shook McKay and Ford's hand. He then smiled at Teyla.

"Welcome back my friend, I trust you are well?" she nodded. Rodney watched them disappear into the large building, leaving himself and Ford behind to watch and wait for anything funny.

"I'll be over there," stated Ford as he moved away. Rodney simply watched him, unable to shake the uneasiness rearing its ugly head in his mind.

John and Teyla smiled as they sat together around a table with them and two other men. "As you know Major, our medicine is not nearly as advanced as the medicine from your planet…earth. However we are willing to help you with your food if you are willing to help us with the medicine."

"On behalf of our people, I think it's safe to say we can agree to those terms. The head of our medical staff's name is Carson Beckett, I'm sure he'll be pleased to meet your head of the medical staff."

"I am sure, her name is Emeena, she is a wonderful woman, and shall we set this up soon?" Linor asked.

"That would be great," replied John smiling.

"Excellent, then…" he was cut off by the sound of shoot and screaming coming from outside. John and Teyla hurried to the window, followed closely by Linor.

"It's the Renegade members of Caledonia," Linor spoke.

"Sir, you should get out here soon!" Ford's voice came on over the radio. Sheppard hurried out the door.

Rodney looked up at the men rushing into the city, virtually shooting everything in their line of fire. Several people were running, he watched in horror at some of the people being gunned down. His eyes grew wide; he turned to see them coming from the other direction as well.

He began to turn, planning on heading to the building for cover. He didn't have time for a second thought, he felt white hot pain rip through his right shoulder and lower back. He hit the ground before he could even cry out in pain or shock.

Sheppard watched in horror as his friend was shot down, the man dropped to the ground, a look of shock and pain written all over his face. He looked up at John in fear, taking a step forward, he was surprised when he was grabbed and shoved towards the building.

"Come we'll shall be safer inside," Linor said, Sheppard tried to break the grip, his stomach dropping at the sight of his unmoving friend.

"But…."

"He is already dead," replied another man as he and Ford were shoved into the building behind Teyla.

He took one look back at his friend and felt his heart drop, his stomach churn and his tears burn, "I have to help him…"

"We do not have time Major, you will die too if you remain out here," with that they were shoved into the building.

His eyes were growing heavy, he could hear the screams around him from the other dying people. Opening his pain filled eyes he felt them cloud with tears in fear. He watched Teyla, John and Ford being pushed into the building. He was going to die alone. He suddenly saw the irony in the situation. All his life he had been pushing people away to protect himself; now when he needed them the most, wanted them the most, they were being pushed away to protect them, and he would die…alone. He wanted to scream, to cry, put up some sort of fight. He wanted to let John know he was alive. He could taste the coppery taste of blood in his mouth as it rose up his throat. He was dying alone, and yet surrounded by other victims of a cruel act of terrorism on a planet that he didn't even know.

His eyes slid closed as he tried to imagine another world, his world and allowed darkness to swallow him whole.

"That's my man out there!" yelled John to the head of the planet.

"He's dead major. The Renegades use poison to kill their victims within forty-eight hours."

"You stupid.." he grabbed the man and rammed him into a wall, "I hold you personally responsible for his murder!"

"Major…" Ford spoke from near the window. Sheppard moved over to him, he watched as the "renegades" lifted a very dead looking McKay into a wheel barrel of sorts and hauled him away.

"No! Damn you!" he screamed watching his best friend being wheeled away.

"What do we tell the others?" Teyla asked, a tear slipping down her cheek. John's head hung in defeat at the idea of telling everyone what had transpired. He watched until he could no longer see his friend, and he felt a piece of him die with McKay.


	2. Coming Home

A/N: Okay a lot of yesterday not being posted had to do with my grandfather was on the computer and the second reason is I wanted to make ya worry hehe. Anyway, please enojoy I apologize for grammartical issues.

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The Stargate Activated, Elizabeth watched three of her best people walk through. She took their sight inbecoming instantly worried. John's hair was still in place, but he was paler, his eyes looked vacant and defeated. Teyla looked shocked and frightened, and Ford looked worried. Even more; Elizabeth noticed they seemed to be missing one scientist.

"Are you all right? Get Carson down here! John, where's Doctor McKay?" She asked.

John looked up at her, searching her eyesboring into her soul, she felt a shiver run down his spine, "he's dead," came his weak shocked murmur.

She felt her stomach drop, tears spring to her eyes. She searched his pale face, praying to find something to tell her he was wrong. She rapidly blinked the tears away, knowing her people needed her to be strong now.

"Elizabeth?" Carson asked as he walked in. He looked at his three friends, and noted similar to Elizabeth the absences of their favorite scientist.

"They're in shock Carson…Rodney is dead," Carson looked at her in utter disbelief; his blue eyes suddenly went solid, she could almost physically see the door being shut as he locked into his doctor mode and began to look over the other three. He made a few comments, some demands, but for the most part he remained silent. Everyone within speaking distanceremained quiet, asthey all allowed the thought of Rodney McKay's death to sink in.

Teyla sat on the bed, a blanket wrapped around her looking up at Elizabeth. Teyla shook her head, she had explained the situation and what had happened, not without tears however. Elizabeth sighed and touched the young Athosain's face.

"It's not your fault Teyla," Elizabeth said gently. The woman looked at her.

"I urged him to come; I knew he would delight in the idea of what he could learn from the culture. I am sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be sorry," Elizabeth replied.

"I shall miss him," Teyla commented softly. Elizabeth nodded, for this young woman to admit something so willing was rare.

John sat across the room against the wall, his legs drawn up and his arms resting on his knees. He sighed as he looked at Carson, retelling the story again. Carson touched his arm and forced a smile, "This is not your fault lad, so don't go blamin yourself," Carson stated looking at the man. John shrugged.

"I miss him already," John whispered.

"Me too," Carson replied.

"It's just not fair," John replied looking at his hands, as if there was something offensive on them.

"You can go to your quarters Major, grieve," John looked at him and nodded.

"Thank you," he whispered and got up, heading out of the infirmary. Carson watched him go and scrubbed at his face, trying to rid his face of the tears beginning to leak out. He wouldn't let them come yet, not until he was alone.

Carson looked across the room and saw Elizabeth walking Teyla out of the room no doubt escorting Teyla to her quarters, before Elizabeth would return to her office. He moved over to his own desk and sighed, he smiled weakly when he saw the picture sitting on his desk. It had been taken weeks ago when Rodney had been a little boy, John had taken it just before they took him back to the planet, to help remind them that there was a little child in everyone.

Picking it up he looked at the small face, the little Rodney had been very sweet, but Carson had discovered how nice it was to have his best friend back now. He sighed, well he didn't have him anymore. He placed the picture down and scrubbed at his face again, tears beginning to slip down his cheeks more rapidly. He brought his hands down over the bridge of his nose and together at his mouth in a prayer. His closed his eyes, trying to deal with the pain that was flooding over him in waves.

With only one light on left in the infirmary the man allowed himself to cry, to let lose all the emotions he was feeling.

Elizabeth sat down on her bed after leaving Teyla in her own room. She looked down at her hands, then at the wall across from her. The tears from earlier were beginning to slip down her cheeks. First just a few for the death of a scientist and a solider, but then began in a torrent of pain for the death of a friend, a doctor and a loved one…more than that, someone she loved. She had so much to tell him, so much she hadn't said. She had never told him the truth, never told him how much she cared.

She regretted never telling him the truth, never telling him about her breaking it off with Simon before leaving earth, about the love she held for him in her heart. She had always thought she had so much time left with him. She felt she had all the time in the world to tell him everything she had ever wanted to say. Now she had no time, not even dying moments.

John rolled over on his side and stared at the illuminated clock, it seemed too bright for his mood. It was nearing three and he had yet to fall asleep, he felt so wrong being here without Rodney. What made him different? Why was he mourning for Rodney more than he had for the other men and women they had lost? Of course he felt bad for their losses, but it was Rodney who was changing him. He was a solider; he hadn't cried since the death of his brother eleven years ago, he felt a single salty tear trail its way down his cheek. He hugged himself tightly and curled tighter, as if trying to protect him self from the feelings settling into his bones and his mind.

By six John decided that staying in bed was pointless, and he headed to the commissary, part of him was surprised to see Carson already sitting there, dressed in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt, a cup of coffee seated in front of him. Carson's eyes were closed, but it was obvious he wasn't sleeping. His hair was sticking up in all directions, his face was pale and drawn. It was amazing that Rodney had this affect on people when he could be…so damned annoying.

"Care if I join you?" John asked softly. Carson's eyes snapped open, blue iris surrounded by blood shot eyes, obviously from lack of sleep in twelve hours and crying.

"Not at all," Carson whispered, he poured John a cup of coffee and looked down at the black liquid.

"Couldn't sleep?" John asked. Carson shook his head.

"I haven't slept this bad since Little Rodney bunked with me," he said grinning softly. John smiled at the sweet memory.

"I keep seeing him being shot down, the look of absolute horror in his eyes as we were pushed away from him. I can't even begin to imagine how he felt seeing us disappear like that. He looked so, lost and betrayed, so hurt."

"It wasn't your fault John."

"I know Carson, but I feel…I feel like I should have done more, you know," Carson nodded weakly.

"You would have gotten killed, Rodney wouldn't have wanted that. Atlantis needs you," Carson whispered.

"So did McKay," Sheppard whispered in pain. The two friends lapsed into silence remembering their friend.

Cliffy! Tune in Next Time


	3. The Awakening

A/n: well a part of me was prepared to wait yet another day and keep you all in suspense, however I do not have the heart to do that, so here you are. But please remember just because Rodney is alive currently doesn't mean that's forever. Anyway, lots of hurt and aganst to come friends. Please also not that at some points the charcters may seem a little OoC, although I am trying to avoid that as much as possible.

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He groaned in pain, as consciousness began to peak around the black abyss he had been in for hours he became acutely aware of the stench surrounding him, vomit, blood and rotting corpses. He also realized he was really cold, at first he thought perhaps he was dead, but knew he wouldn't be cold or feel pain etching through the blackness if he were dead. Grunting he slowly opened his eyes, and screamed, loudly.

"AHHHHHH!" He cried as he came face to face with a dead body, the eyes were wide open in horror and pain. He had been lying on top of the dead man. He jumped back in pain and fell against something, looking back he screamed again.

He looked around, he was in a ditch…a ditch of dead bodies, some burned, some still had skin on their bones. The smell began to over come him, he looked around for some way out, the ditch was rough as deep as a shallow grave, perhaps four feet deep.

He pushed himself away from the bodies, cringing at the feel of their cold dead skin under his fingers, and grappled to get up the sides of the small inclination of the ditch. The sides of the ditch were wet, as he pull his hands away he stared at the blood on them…his blood, their blood, everyone's bloods. His hands were beginning to shake from this nightmare. After two more slips he managed to pull himself out of the ditch.

The minute he hit the ground he turned his head and began to retch, blood mingled with what little he had eaten over the past hours. Pain ripped through his shoulder and side as he continued to heave, any fluid or food gone but the blood. When he was finally able to get a breath he looked down at himself, he couldn't tell what was his blood and what was someone else's blood, he was literally covered in it. He had to look like something from some Freddy Krueger horror flick.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes against the waves of dizziness and blood loss, however the pictures of the dead men and women in the grave forced him self to push off the ground and start to move, "gotta get home," he mumbled to himself. He moved far enough away where he couldn't smell the bodies, however he still felt horrified at what he looked like. He pulled up his shirt, grimacing as it pulled at his two wounds, they had started bleeding again, the bullet in his side was still there, and the one in his shoulder had gone clean through. He knew he was loosing blood rapidly and would die soon if he didn't get home.

It was simple to assume that infections had set in both by their red ugliness and the weak feeling in body and he felt tired. Taking in all of this, lack of foot and water, he knew he'd be dead within thirty hours if he didn't get home or at least back to the town soon.

He looked around, trying to remember where the gate was as opposed to where he was currently. It was a twenty minute walk from the town to the gate in a North East Direction. He just had to figure out where the town was, and he'd be halfway home. Pushing himself off the ground with his good arm he began to move his legs, he took a moment, getting used to their rubbery feeling, and began his slow trudge towards home…hopefully.

It wasn't quite dark yet, but the sun…suns were beginning to set, and a permanent chill was beginning to set in, he didn't have to guess that remaining here in the dark would probably kill him faster, "I'll never whine again about walking far," he grumbled bitterly. He shook his head, trying desperately to clear the fuzziness from around the edges of his brain.

Elizabeth had notified everyone on Atlantis early that morning of the death of Rodney McKay, by then most everyone knew anyway from the rumors. She had felt the need to stop the rumors and make the facts known. They would have the funeral tomorrow. John came over beside her and he sighed, "I'll never forget meeting him for the first time, I mean other than the chair thing. I thought he was the biggest pain in the ass. He was so…arrogant. I kept thinking to myself I'll never be able to go to Atlantis with you guys because I'd kill him before we even got through the gate."

She looked at him and smiled, he shook his head, "but he grew on me dam it, I mean he really just grew on me. He was smart, street smart and technology smart. When he said he was always right, he really was. It was the most annoying, frustrating and yet comforting feeling in the world. Knowing someone like that was out there and that he was on my team."

"Is that why you picked him for your team?"

"Nah, his brains had nothing to do with his being on my team. We were talking one day, he said something that made me really angry, and he said that's what he liked about me, was a guy who didn't take crap from anyone. He knew he wouldn't get away with anything from me, and that made it more exciting. I knew he was worthy of being on my team, because he wanted an adventure like driving me nuts."

"He was so annoying when I first met him. Actually he was the first scientist and person I met about the Atlantis project. Samantha Carter had mentioned he might be good for the job. She had warned me, but I'll be damned she was more than just right, she was right on target. He was rude, mean and bitter. But there was just something about him, something that lured me into him," Elizabeth explained.

"You loved him didn't you?" Sheppard asked.

For a moment Elizabeth considered denying it, "yes, I loved him. He was a good man, it was hard not too…and he wasn't bad on the eyes either," John chuckled.

"It's hard to be so in love with someone, see them everyday and know they're just out of your reach," John said softly.

"Teyla?" Elizabeth inquired. John looked at her for a moment, and then nodded.

"It's not like I couldn't…you know ask her, or tell her the truth, it's that I'm not sure we're ready for it."

"It's the fear of getting back to earth and yet at the same time knowing we could be here forever," Elizabeth agreed.

"God knows I'd love to tell her…"

"Tell her John, if I had the chance I would have told him, every moment of everyday I had with him. Don't waste time you don't have," John looked at her and clasped her hand.

"I'm glad we're able to be good friends," he whispered. Leaning over he pressed a kiss to her cheek and headed out of the room, leaving her alone to her thoughts. She turned and looked out over the water, yes; she would have loved to tell him the truth. She missed him, she missed his arms, she missed his jokes, his sarcasm, his brains, his arrogance. She just missed him.

John stood looking down at the Atlantis crew that was heading through the gate in an hour. Any hope he had held for Rodney's return had long since passed, although they hadn't reached the forty-eight hour point, they were rapidly reaching it. He had seen his friend shot, and he knew wounds like that didn't make it easy to survive.

"I keep expecting him to burst into my office talking about his newest device," Carson spoke stepping out of the shadows to stand beside him. John smiled softly, albeit sadly.

"I'm going to miss him Carson, I mean I'm really going to miss him."

"We all will…" he lost his smile to the sadness in his heart.

"I'm really sorry," John whispered.

"We spoke about this doctor, it's not your fault."

"There was so much we all should have said to him…if I had the chance I would have told him what a good soldier he was," Sheppard whispered.

"Yeah he would have loved that," chuckled Carson.

"I lost my brother eleven years ago…I remember being so angry at the kid. He was on a simple mission, he shouldn't have died, but he did. He was so much like Rodney, so full of life."

"I'm sorry John," whispered Carson. They looked back at the gate, both their hearts heavy with the loss of a good friend.


	4. It's All Up to Him

Author's Note: If there as any interest I have set up a new Message board completely dedicated to Stargate Atlantis, while currently it is smaller, it will be growing in the upcoming months, please feel free to come, give your support talk about SA and share your fanfiction. If you are interested check out my profile the address is there.

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Part of Rodney was elated when he finally reached the city, another part realized making it to the Stargate was going to be near impossible the way he was feeling. He was feeling weaker and weaker by the minute. His legs were aching, his stomach churning, his eyes burning, his chest heaving, his wounds blazing. He knew he was dying, but he wouldn't die without a fight first.

He took another step, his knees buckled under him and he cried out in pain as he hit the ground. He gasped, trying to get through the nauseating pain, however the dark began to engulf his world again as he let go of the pain he felt.

He turned his head from side to side as he fought against the pain of consciousness, slowly opening his eyes, he was startled for the second time, he was facing the barrel of several guns, and every one of them was pointed right at him. His vision was blurry, a sure sign that he probably hit his head against the ground when he had collapsed.

"Who are you?" a voice asked. He tried to look at the voice, but he couldn't focus, he was having trouble getting past the pain.

"Who's there?" he called.

"My name is Linor, King of Caledonia," Rodney instantly remember the name.

"Name's McKay….Doctor Rodney McKay….Atlantis," was all he murmured. His eyes rolled back in his head and he felt his world go black again.

Linor's eyes grew wide and he looked over at the head of his Medical staff. She looked at him, "he's still alive, but barely, we should get him back sir."

"Then we shall, I would like you to come Emeena," he stated.

"I can't, not this time sir, I have other's I need to tend to, I'm sure their doctor will take fine care of him," she smiled and looked down at the man, "Hang on Rodney McKay of Atlantis," she whispered gently.

"They'll care for him," Linor whispered. She nodded, pressing a kiss to Rodney's burning forehead she left the room.

"Dr. Weir! Someone's coming through the gate!" Called Peter Grodin. Elizabeth hurried over to him and looked for any sign of a GDO.

"There's nothing," she whispered.

"Elizabeth, perhaps…" began Teyla. She nodded.

"Open the iris," she called.

They watched the blue liquid ripple slightly, to say they were stunned was an understatement as King Linor stepped through the wormhole, two of his men carrying a stretcher with Dr. Rodney McKay on top, covered by a blanket.

"MEDICAL TEAM TO THE GATE ROOM!" yelled Sheppard as he pressed down the intercom to page Carson.

"What happened? Rodney," she knelt beside the man, he was covered in dirt and blood, he smelled horrible, but he was a sight for sore eyes when she saw his chest rising and falling.

"He stumbled into town early this morning…we had our doctor look at him…" he explained. Elizabeth reached out and touched his hand.

"Thank you," she whispered softly. She reached out and caressed his bloodied cheek, "thank you," it came out as a strangled whimper this time.

"Sweet mother of God Rodney!" He cried as he rushed over to his dear friend. He went to work quickly, running through Rodney's vitals, listing tests that would be needed, medicines that would be pumped through his body, "let's get him to the infirmary," Carson called as the two assistants followed him upstairs.

"Dr. Weir, I'd like to apologize for the rash decisions we made, and I hope your doctor makes it," Elizabeth smiled at him.

"Thank you for bringing him home to us, and you saved my people with your decisions."

"Then we shall continue with our trades?"

"Yes we shall, we need you and you need us," she said smiling. He nodded thanks.

"He's coding!" called Nurse Jennings, Carson grunted and began CPR on his best friend.

"Bag him!" he yelled as he pumped his best friend's chest, he straddled the man's chest, trying to get blood and oxygen back to the man's heart. "Come on Rodney, we didn't come this far for you to leave us now. Breathe damn it!" he yelled.

"I've got a rhythm," Jennings called. Carson started to reissue orders, horrified by how bad off his friend was. It was a miracle his body had survived this long.

He wasn't surprised when Elizabeth, John, Teyla, Ford and several others were waiting for something about their friend just inside the door. "I've got him stabilized, get him ready, we need to get the bullet out."

He headed over to them and looked at them, "how is he Carson?" Sheppard asked.

"He's critical."

"Will he live?" Elizabeth asked.

"Based on normal people in his condition, he'll be lucky if he makes it through the surgery. Based on the fact that this is Rodney, I'd say he has a damn good chance."

"What do we do now?" Ford asked.

"We wait, it's all up to Rodney now," with that Carson headed back into the infirmary to care for his patient.


	5. You Left Me

A/N: I apologize for the short chapter last time, hope this one is a little better. If anyone has an offer for a title of the Series I would love suggestions, I'm still left with none. The charcters may seem a little O/C at times, but I'm trying to keep that from happening as often as possible.

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Elizabeth sat beside his unconscious form, wires coming from various places on his body, reading his heart beat, his pulse rate, his blood pressure, his brain waves, his insulin levels and his blood level. Carson had explained that Rodney made it through the surgery better than they had expected. He seemed to be holding his own at the moment.

"I don't know if you can hear me Rodney, Carson says you can…but…listen Rodney, a lot has been left unsaid, and there will always be something unsaid, but I can't lose you again. I know this may sound weak, especially coming from the commander, but this isn't about being the commander right now. As a friend…. And as a woman surviving your 'alleged' death was one of the hardest things I've ever faced since the death of my father. You're so much more than a scientist, I keep trying to stay out of this: to not admit the truth, but I can't lie to myself, or you Rodney. You make me confident, and almost loosing you has shown me that I..I can't do this without you, and I don't want to," she chuckled softly, running a hand through his short hair, "this probably sounds so corny, I'm not usually this sappy," she whispered wiping at her eyes.

Rodney has slipped into a coma, Carson explained it as his body shutting everything unneeded down so it could heal itself after the ordeal. His body was trying to get rid of the infection as it ran a fever, his body basically trying to sweat it out.

Carson stood by Rodney two days later, checking his vitals and shook his head, John and Elizabeth watched them. "What's wrong?" John asked looking up at him.

"His fever's getting too high, he'll die if this continues." Stated Carson as he continued tostudy the readings. He was quickly moving past concerned to paniced.

"What happens now?" John asked concerned

"We need to get him cooled off, now," stated Carson. They had been giving him a sponge bath every half hour with cold water already, but it would have to happen more frequently now, "come on Rodney, I know you're in there," Carson whispered as he looked at his friend.

Carson sat beside his best friend a few hours later, watching him sleep. He knew things were only going to get harder whenRodney woke up. He had seen men who had been left behind thought as dead. They had spent several years having nightmares. It would take awhile for Rodney to trust his team again as well as himself.

He realized sitting here beside the man alone was a miracle. By all standards Rodney should have been dead. When he had arrived his insulin levels had been so low he should have slipped into a coma. He had two nasty bullet wounds, the one in his shoulder had torn several ligaments and shattered his collar bone. Carson had stuck a pin in the bone and placed it back together. With rehab and a little time his arm would be fine, although he would be sore for a very long time. The wound in Rodney's side and nicked his kidney, he would live to see another day and so would his kidney. He had lost a large amount of blood, but somehowRodneyhad kept going through all the bleeding, the pain and the fear.

Carson attributed Rodney's still being a live to a lot of luck and his stubborn streak. When Rodney put his mind to something it got done. He shook his head, suddenly finding himself never more thankful for that stupid arrogance and stubbornness that defined Rodney McKay so specifically. Smiling he reached out and pressed his cool hand to the forehead. There were other reason and possibilities why Rodney might have lived, but Carson tried not to considered them.

The eyelids slowly slid open to reveal hazy blue eyes, Carson smiled down at him, "hey there lad," he whispered. The eyes looked at him, with a little recognition. "You're safe and home now lad, you made it. You survived," he said gently, keeping his cool hand on the warm forehead, thankfully it was cooler than it had been earlier. Rodney didn't respond he just looked at his friend and nodded slowly.

"Sleep Rodney," Carson was pleased when the man's eyes slid shut and his body relaxed. Carson remained by his friends side the entire night, not willing to leave him just yet, incase he woke a second time and was in need of something.

John crept a little later that morning, to see his friend. Carson was seated in a chair beside him, fast asleep, his chin leaning against his chest. John moved over to the bed and was pleased to see Rodney's eyes were open. He looked tired and weak, but he was alive.

"Hey there tough guy," John greeted the man looked at him, his eyes hazy and confused, "what's the last thing you remember Rodney?" He didn't know what made him ask that question, maybe to see if he could remember his heroics.

Rodney's faced turned from calm but confused to frantic as tears clouded his already cloudy eyes, "you left me," he murmured in words barely above a whisper. Carson, who had beenwoken at this point looked from his friend in the bed to the standing friend and watched all the color drain from John's face.

John's stunned expression could only be defined as a dear in the headlights. The man began to back away slowly, then turned and ran. Carson was about to say something to Rodney when the man began to scream for help. Carson sat on the edge of the bed, gripping the man's shoulders, trying to shake him without hurting him. Carson realized Rodney hadn't said that to be mean, or was even angry about it, he was caught in the middle of a nightmare, and a horrible one no doubt.

"Rodney!" he growled in an almost angry but frightened tone. Blue eyes snapped open and looked at him. Sweat covered his forehead, betraying the shaking his hands and arms were doing. Carson, unsure of what else to do, pulling his friend into a hug and just held him. Rodney buried his head in Carson's shoulder in fear, hoping that his friend could make all the pain go away.

Elizabeth and Teyla opened the doors to the infirmary just in time to see John hurrying out the door in a state of near panic. Teyla looked at Elizabeth and hurried after him. Elizabeth headed inside, watching Carson wake Rodney up from his nightmare.

"Easy now lad, you're safe," he whispered. Carson had explained what had happened and told her that Rodney would probably explain it all to her in his own time.

Elizabeth moved over and sat down at on the bed behind him, gently rubbing the crying man's back, letting him know someone was here and cared for him deeply.

"He's out of the woods Elizabeth, but I have the feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg," Elizabeth looked at him, surprised by his metaphor and nodded.

"I believe you're right, but don't worry, we'll care for him," She said pressing a kiss to the back of Rodney's head.

John grunted and flushed the toilet, moving away he headed to the sink to wash his face and mouth. When he rose he saw her reflection in the mirror standing behind him. He sighed and looked down.

"It's not your fault…" came the soft voice. He just looked at her reflection.

"Teyla…"

"John, it wasn't your fault. You tried to help him."

"I'd really like to be alone."

"He'll need you now more than ever John. He doesn't need someone to blame he needs a friend. He just lived through a frightening ordeal that would have any normal man crying for help. You must understand it from his perspective. We do not even know all that happened to him, we can only begin to guess and speculate how he feels." Teyla reasoned. John looked at her reflection.

"I left him there Teyla, that's our number one rule on my planet, no one gets left behind. I left him."

"Well don't leave him now, John, he's your friend, andhe needs you now. You running away because you feel guilty will just be abandoning him, again. Do you think that will help him?" He turned and looked at her.

"I'm not leaving him, I just want to be alone."

"Which leaves him in the hospital room, wondering where his best friend is," Teyla replied.

"Can…can I have a moment, just a moment," he whispered.

"All right, but do not run from your fears John, because eventually they'll come back to haunt you."

With that she turned and left. He sighed and leaned against the wall, his warm head pressing against the cold glass.


	6. The Beginning

A/N: Okay so I'm not going too deep into Rodney's mental aspect of being through his hell, we'll deal with it more in the next story. Which I plan to begin posting next week sometime on Monday if all continues as planned. Thank you again, and I'm sorry this story was short and lacked some of the more obvious details. The next two will be much better.

* * *

The white light slowly began to penetrate his black surroundings. He opened his eyes slowly for the first time, instantly squeezing them again as the bright light hurt his eyes, he must have groaned because when he opened his eyes a second time the light overhead was considerably dimmer.

Rodney took in his surroundings and looked up at his closest friend, as he looked at Carson he suddenly realized he was home, even more that he was alive and would apparently being remaining alive. He took a moment, taking in how he felt, his shoulder hurt and his side was numb. He looked to see several tubes and wires coming from his arms and chest, probably monitoring his vitals.

He looked up into the clear blue eyes of Carson Beckett, they were full of relief.

"Car… Carson?" He whispered, speaking for the first time since his nightmare.

"Aye lad, how do you feel?"

"Crap…py," Rodney whispered looking at the bruises on his pale arms.

"Rodney, what's the last thing you remember?" Carson hated asking the question; however he was more afraid of Rodney's answer.

"Collapsing…in town…How did I get here?" Rodney asked softly.

"After you collapsed in town a couple of Linor's guards found you and took you over to their doctor. She called Linor. You woke up for a brief moment and told them who you were, as soon as they were sure they could they brought you here."

"Wow…I don't remember any of it…how long…has it been?"

"Well, you were gone for almost forty-eight hours, you've been unconscious for another two, and you've been in and out of consciousness for a day."

"Wow, lost nearly week…I'd love to say that's a first," he joked smiling weakly.

"What happened Rodney?" Carson asked lightly.

Rodney looked around and sighed, "what's worse than being buried alive, Carson?"

The Scottish man looked at him for a moment. "I don't know…why?"

"These people don't bury their dead Carson, they pitch them into a ditch and wait for them to decompose."

Carson's face was ashen at the sound, as he looked at Rodney he realized this had probably happened to him."My God lad…they didn't…they thought you were dead?"

"I woke up in that ditch," Rodney's voice shaking, "I was on them…" he shook, turning his head his face grew pale.

Carson grabbed a near by basin and held it for his friend as the scientist retched into the container. Sighing Carson wrapped one arm around his shoulders, and held him close until the convulsions subsided. Carson wrapped the other arm around Rodney when he was finished throwing up. Carson felt the man's arms wrap around his waist. He prayed Rodney knew he was loved and had been missed.

"You're safe now lad, no one is going to hurt you," Carson whispered.

A week passed quickly for the Atlantis Crew; Rodney was healing rapidly after having woken from his coma. However his mental injuries were far worse. Against Carson's better judgment he offered Rodney sleeping pills, to at least get him through the worst of the nightmares. Rodney was incoherent for most of the time, in and out of sleep.

By the fifth day Carson had put Rodney on solid foods again; Carson would spend the three hours a day talking with Rodney, and any extra time he got from work. Carson wasn't oblivious to Rodney's pain, not his physical but his emotional.

Elizabeth had only been by once, perhaps twice in the past week since Rodney's awakening. She had been quiet and reserved, Carson wondered if perhaps she was feeling guilty about something. She had nothing to feel guilty about…other than avoid a dear friend who needed her currently.

Then there was John, Sheppard hadn't been to see Rodney since the nightmare just over a week ago, and Carson knew it was hurting Rodney. Teyla came by generally to offer her support as often as she could. Carson had seen the two begin to really bond in the past week.

Carson smiled slightly as he sat by Rodney's side and though about Teyla and Rodney, they were an odd pair, both different, Teyla was an alien trying to make her way in Atlantis and help them out. Rodney was a scientist trying to do the very same. They were both out to prove themselves. It was like two rekindled spirits. Carson was aware that Teyla saw Rodney as perhaps a younger brother to protect and care for. The past week had told him that much. Rodney seemed to care deeply about her as well. Perhaps they would become very good and trusting friends. Both of them obviously believed in the other strong, otherwise Teyla wouldn't be there and Rodney wouldn't have backed her up all those months ago when she was being accused of working with the Wraith.

Aiden had been by once or twice, but he was generally very busy, which Carson knew Rodney didn't mind. Aiden and Rodney weren't close, and Carson had the feeling they never would be, Aiden was a good five to ten years younger than Rodney and Rodney found him a little…frustrating at times.

There was no question that Aiden often found Rodney to be annoying, they were both so very different, but they still managed to back each other up. Carson smiled and took pride in the fact Atlantis was quickly growing closer.

" Carson…" Rodney whispered his name, interrupting the oatmeal feeding. Carson looked at his best friend.

"Yes?"

"Did I do something?" Rodney inquired softly.

Carson looked at his friend and saw the little boy sitting there, "No, why?"

"Well…god I sound like a five year old, Elizabeth's been by, but generally she's really quiet…and John…he hasn't even shown up," Carson looked at his friend and saw that little child from months ago, and he felt his heart break.

"Listen to me dear boy, you didn't do anything, and you don't sound like a five year old. They are your friends they should be here for you. I'd like to make excuses but I don't have any to make, and I won't make them. Tell you what, get some sleep lad, I'll go talk to them, see if I can't at least talk the sense into them."

"I don't want them forced to come…"

"I didn't say I'd force them Rodney, I said I'd intimidate them a wee bit, now relax, if you're a good little boy maybe I'll release you tomorrow," Rodney smiled weakly and sighed.

Carson removed the oatmeal, placed a blanket over the young man's shoulders and headed on a quest to find the MIA doctor and Major.

Carson decided to head for the gate room first, lucky for him, both Elizabeth and John were sitting in Elizabeth's office discussing something. Upon entering Carson closed the door behind himself, "I think it's time we had a little talk," he stated firmly. He didn't want to sound like a parent, but right now he was stuck with a lost little boy who needed his family.

"Carson…" Elizabeth began.

"No, listen for a minute, are you bloody daft! You're so hung up in your own guilt you're destroying that man in my infirmary. Now normally this wouldn't bother me, god knows we all want to avoid Rodney once in awhile, but I will not let you destroy him. He's not just my friend, he's our brother. We're the only family he's got, any of us has. We're stuck here and how do you think he'll feel if you continue to avoid him like this."

"Carson…" John tried to cut in, but was quickly cut off.

"No! Look Major, I understand you feel guilty about this, with reason, you feel responsible for your people, but he doesn't blame you. He was having a nightmare, this entire damn experience has been a nightmare for him. He hasn't slept since he's gotten home, not without some sleeping pills. He needs to know someone cares…" he stared at them, watching them both look down at the table which they sat around. "I'm releasing him tomorrow, he'll be down for another three weeks, I don't want to risk hurting him further. What you do once he's out of my care is your own business, but as a friend…I suggest you let him know you still care," with that Carson left the room in obvious fury.

Elizabeth and John watched him leave, they smiled sadly, and they knew what they had to do. Sighing John lifted him self from the chair and headed out the door, not far behind Carson.

Leaving Elizabeth to think to herself quietly in silence, she however was not ready to see Rodney, she had to admit some things to herself before admitting them to him.

John slowly entered the room twenty minutes later, having taken a small detour to get some stuff. Carson was seated on the end of the bed, Rodney was sitting up; one arm was wrapped in a sling, the other was reaching out for a chess piece. It was the best Rodney had looked in a long time. His color had returned, his cheeks were still red with fever, but he looked much healthier, a ghost of a smile on his face.

"Hey," John called. Rodney looked up and John didn't miss the glint of joy in his eyes.

"Hey, long time no see Major," Rodney said smiling.

Carson grinned, "I'll leave you two alone," he said slyly as he headed out of the infirmary giving the two men some space.

"I've missed talking to you…listen John, I wanted to tell you I don't blame you."

"Well…I'm sorry you got left behind pal, I tried," John looked at the bed and shook his head, he sounded so unbelievably weak and absurd. He felt like nothing more than a child. He shook his head, he hadn't really tried, he had allowed himself to be moved away from the body of his friend.

"I know I saw you. I was glad to see you went unharmed. I don't know if I would have been able to fight my way home knowing something had happened to you."

"You're a soldier Rodney, I know it sounds odd, but you have a lot of guts in you. I'm not sure I would have been able to survive the way you did," it was true, John's mind returned to a pervious time when he had been in a similar situation as Rodney. Forced to live when he wanted nothing more than oblivion; he had been forced to survive and give his people information that would help them, but it had been the roughest month of his life.

"Thanks…I guess…this place changes people," Rodney whispered softly.

"I know…you've changed Rodney; I know sometimes you don't want to believe it. But you're a better man than you were the day you came here.

"Gee thanks…wanna play some chess?" John asked grinning.

Rodney chuckled softly, wincing and nodded. He watched John sit down in front of him and move the first chess piece. The game was on, and neither was prepared to stop, it was the moment they had been waiting for…forgiveness.

Carson grinned from where he stood at the entrance way watching the two friends begin some obviously much needed healing. He turned and headed down the hall; he smiled, unsure what he would do without John and Rodney as his friends. They were more than friends they were his brothers and he loved them, they were the only family he had.

The next day Rodney was released; he had been given some mild sleeping pills to help him with the nightmares and was told to talk about what happened with his friends, if the nightmares were still constant in two months he would speak with the psychologist. Other that two dark circles under his eyes, and his arm in a sling he looked completely healed. He had lost some weight and looked tired, but he was hanging in there.

Carson suggested he rest, however, Rodney headed to Elizabeth's quarters first. Her door was open so he headed inside; she stood on her balcony, "Elizabeth?" It was obvious to him she had been crying.

She turned and looked at him. She watched him take a step towards her, another one. A moment later she was in his arms.

He held her tightly with his good arm, "I'm home," he whispered.

That was all that mattered to her as she held him closely. Everything else could wait, she had time left with him, and for now they were together. They would talk later, for now she would just remain in his arms.

He leaned his head against hers and pressed a kiss to her temple, "you made me keep going," he whispered softly, "you made me believe I could do it."

"You make me believe everyday," she whispered in reply. She looked up at him, he smiled and looked back down at her, and leaning forwards he pressed his lips to hers. Gently at first, it was a small hunger they both desired. Then it deepened. She slipped her arms around his neck, as his other arm moved up her back and pulled her closer.

Yes, they were together, and for now…nothing else in the world…or any other world mattered.

Until Next Time Folks…


End file.
